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 Post subject: Unreasonable expectations
Post Number:#1  PostPosted: 03 Nov 2008 06:01 
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Unreasonable expectations


I have read the following comments in another place, by an American chap and I thought it will be a good base to start the ball rolling on this thread.

"Unreasonable expectations of life together in a new culture can lead to some interesting and possibly devastating consequences. The ability to prepare a Russian lady for changes in lifestyle hinges on the man's honest portrayal of his true situation in life. Yet, even with full disclosure there is a good chance that some unreasonable expectations will linger in the mind of a Russian lady until she has experienced the new culture first hand. More than likely, your lady will not be the only person with unreasonable expectations. Western men usually hold some unrealistic opinions as well.

America and the western world are not really similar to what is portrayed in most movies and television programs. Unfortunately, the media is where most Russian women get their opinions about life in the west. It's unavoidable, but true. We know the real score, and we take it for granted. We realize that the vast majority of Americans are not industrial magnates and that they don't own vineyards in Napa Valley or hobnob with celebrities. However, there is a perception among most Russians that all westerners, especially Americans, are wealthy. America has money trees, and the streets are paved with gold. Maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but this is not far from the truth based on comments I've heard while living in Bashkortostant (Ufa and Sterlitamak). Instant wealth is the most common misperception. Other strongly held beliefs that may cause problems during adjustment include: life in America is a constant vacation, people don't have to work to make a living, everyone travels extensively, and the people are friendly because they don't have any problems.

It becomes easy to understand why problems might arise given the disparity between reality and expectations. This is no more true than the unreasonable expectations held by many western men regarding Russian women. The most common misperception of Russian women is that they are docile wallflowers. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Russian women have assumed the preponderance of responsibility for the family and social order in Russia. On top of this, most are reliable workers, earn degrees from universities, and to a greater or lesser extent, are opinionated.

Don't make the mistake that because Russian women are sophisticated and intelligent, that they are somehow cold and independent. Expect civility, nor servility. Expect feminine, not feminist. With all their strength, they are still women who want a strong man to lead and protect them. But, they want that leadership in the form of compassion and example, not an iron fist."

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