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 Post subject: e-Book on Russian Women
Post Number:#1  PostPosted: 15 Jun 2012 00:08 
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By: Annas Agency®

Introduction


The best place to start is from the beginning…

Some men marry a Russian Woman (RW) because it just so happens they meet due to circumstances. Others decide to marry a RW before even meeting them.

Before any man decides he wants to marry a RW, he probably asks himself, “Why?" Why pick a RW over a Czech, French or even Brazilian woman? This would be a question most men have in their head when they decide to go onto the Internet let alone go all the way to Russia. It is not a question that is easy to answer. In fact I do not think any one can ever give you this answer. Each man will have his unique but equally valid reason.

It is important to remember that RW are like any other women. They have hopes, dreams, desires, fears, wishes, ambitions, imperfections etc, etc, However it would be totally wrong to say you should try to date a Russian woman the same way you would date a French woman. The environment has turned them into different people. They react to things in different ways. That is the theme of this book. I will take you through the life of typical Russian women. By reading this you will develop an appreciation and deeper understanding of what to expect and what not to expect.

There are many, many types of Russian women, but I think any women you meet will fall into one of the following categories. For each of the pros and cons I write…. their still only one thing to consider. If you both are truly in love…nothing else will ever matter!

“Village girls": The majority of clients we have are looking for girls with good, wholesome values, not materialistic, looking for love and happiness, not tainted in her thinking, brought up with strict family values where the unit of the family is fundamental to happiness. These women tend to be harder to find since they are usually located far away from the offices of the agencies. They tend to have old fashioned values and see the wife as the custodian of the house.

For: These RW tend to have very strong values and if she marries a man, then it is usually for the right reasons. Because family has tended to be such an important part of her life, she will spend much time making sure her own family works. She will usually support her husband in whatever way she can. She will work very hard to make the relationship a success.

She will initially try to please you in the only way she can…by being a good wife. This can be particularly frustrating if she can find no Russian recipes to cook. Refer to our section on Post Marriage support for advice.

Against: The first time such a women arrives in the big city can be a period of painful adjustment. This can lead to depression, need for her family and a desire to meet other Russian people. She will also find it very difficult to reconcile the idea of a living in a big city where most people can be cruel. If the husband is supportive this period of adjustment can be quickly overcome.

“Social Butterfly": Russian women with bright prepossessing appearance, considerable mental abilities, with an adequate self-evaluation and a rather high and stable social status. Lately, the women of this type can be encountered in greater numbers in Russia, but they are mostly city-dwellers. Most women of this type live in industrial and commercial centers.

For: You won't be ashamed of your choice: you will have a right to be proud when taking such a woman out; she will make a good companion for your mind, as well as for your heart, as the Russian saying goes. She is able not only of talking, but of listening as well as giving sound advice. Your self-esteem will be satisfied: if such a woman has chosen you, then you will be a really be the recipient of much envy.

Against: Leadership is in man's nature. That's why before you bind yourself to such a woman, think it over whether it will be easy for you to comply with her leadership; won't her overwhelming positiveness cast a shade upon your own personality and assimilate it: won't you feel a free supplement to her merits? Also decades of propaganda has led to us believing RW are submissive….Social Butterfly’s are not submissive!

“Angels": Beautiful and intelligent Russian women of a high social status, but for a number of reasons (upbringing, failures in private life) their self-esteem is short of adequacy.

For: It is much easier to make the relationship take shape with such a woman; she will think of you as of a winning ticket which the wind of fortune has thrown into her humble path; you'll get hold of a 1st type woman but for awareness of her own attractiveness. It will make you feel a lucky gold-digger who has come upon a nugget.

Against: Women of this type can get scared of the prospect of relations with you, can refuse to believe in your good feelings and intentions because of I-don't-deserve-him attitude, so that you will be forced into proving the contrary time and again with a risk of getting bored to death; besides. One agency described such women in the following way…"you risk marrying a woman who doesn't love you for very often women of this type choose a man obviously inferior to them to make their own beauty and intelligence more prominent, emphasized by such a 'background', and you will agree that being a 'background' is not a most pleasant thing. Therefore, make sure that her feelings are genuine before you marry a woman of this type."…I think this is so untrue. These women are merely looking for someone to believe in them. Someone to tell them they are special and can really accomplish anything they try to do. If you show someone that you care, they will return your love in more ways then you could possibly hope. And I speak for myself here. I have always had men trying to be with me from a very young age. But due to personal difficulties I always thought I could never achieve anything and I would always be alone. The reason I married my husband is because he proved he loved me not for just for my physical beauty. For a very long time I thought there was no such thing as true love, it was a fabrication of Hollywood. I thought I would never find a young man who shared my interests and goals in life. But I found such a person. When I help my clients this is what I always remember. True love is possible with the right guidance. I love him because he showed me what was and is possible.

“Supermodels": Beautiful but rather limited Russian women who are usually in love with their own person. As a rule, they prefer to work as models, secretaries and aspire to becoming actresses.

For: Is there a man who, even for a moment, hasn't dreamt of marrying Claudia Schiffer of Marilyn Monroe? It is great to take such a woman out for she provokes envy almost in everybody.

Against: Such beauty can be compared to a box of chocolates: they are sweet. But it is in human nature that a person can't survive on chocolates only, in the long run he will long for something more nutritious. It's the same with women: after all, some day you'll want to talk with her, to share you joys and sorrows, to get her advice and help. But do not expect this from a “Supermodel". Women of this type can be placed into the category of women to beware of (see the unit "Russian Women to Beware Of").

“The Girl Next Door": Russian women of good appearance and of very high level of intelligence. They are usually engaged in average work.

a) If she is self-confident she will find a partner without much difficulty. They are aware of their winning and losing points and learn, in the long run, to emphasize the first and to smooth over the latter.

For: Such woman will never bore you, since she'll always find a topic for a conversation. You will never know the throe of jealousy: there are few men who are indifferent to looks craving for exclusively intellectual intercourse; you'll always remain a superman for her.

Against: Not all of your acquaintances will appreciate your choice: people will judge your choice by its exterior.

b) She may be of average appearance and lacking in beauty

For: Such woman will never bore you, since she'll always find a topic for a conversation. You will never know the throe of jealousy: there are few men who are indifferent to looks craving for exclusively intellectual intercourse; you'll always remain a superman for her.

Against: It will take you much time and effort to raise her confidence, to make her feel self-assured; her poor image of herself may affect your personal life: she may shun the society of your friends and making visits: she may give up pretty clothes not to draw attention to herself.

“The extra": These women of this type can be called neither beautiful nor ugly; they will not set the Mississippi on fire but are far from being stupid, are sure of themselves; in most cases they belong to the middle class; they do not like to take the responsibility in business on themselves.

For: These women represent the stereotypical RW; they are domestic, comforting, not intricate at all. You'll always feel at ease with them, they value their husband and know how to please him, they make the best mothers and housewives.

Against: If you favour surprises, mysteries, surges of emotion, tension of passions, diversity - this is not your type.

“The wannabe": Women with poor physical appearance and low level of intelligence, whom you are unlikely to get interested in. Such women

Apart from this classification, the Russian woman can perform several social parts: the Mother, the Mistress, the Wife.

The Mother

In Russian mentality the woman is, above all, identified with a mother. A kind, patient, child-loving, wise, with a maternal instinct of support and protection, strong-willed, strong and just, caring patroness.

The Wife

Tranquil, even tempered, virtuous, rational, modest, caring, practical, neat, prefers to dress well but not provocatively. In her relations with the man she values most of all reliability and stability. She will take care of her man's looks and his proper diet. Has a tendency to sacrifice her own interests. Her attitudes are conservative.

The Mistress

Emotional, impressionable, unpredictable, playful, flirtatious, capricious, sexual, sensuous, prefers to dress in bright, striking colors. In her relations with men she values most of all the amorous atmosphere, sex. She seldom worries about marriage. Bringing up children is not her idea of life.

Thus, the type a specific woman belongs to is determined by a combination of various factors and by her personality. Your search of a woman with a clear-cut mark of an isolated type from the above mentioned is most likely bound to be a failure because each Russian woman will try on several roles in her life.

Russian Women and the Standard of Living

You must already know that the standard of living in the west differs remarkably from that in Russia. A typical RW will get up in the morning, have a shower and prepare breakfast for her family if she has brother or sisters. Since salaries are so low and jobs so unpredictable, it is very common for RW to live at home with their parents until they are very old.

She then goes out at about 7am – depending on the time of the year and distance from the office - passing many drab, neglected apartments before waiting at the bus stop for a bus. Cars are a luxury in most families and you will rarely see a twenty-something girl driving her own car – unless she works in a large city for a large company

If she happens to work late she will get a taxi by stopping a car on the side of the road and asking the price. If both woman and driver agree on the price and everything looks safe for her she will use this car or if not, she will stop another car…until she will find a suitable car. Most of the drivers use their own cars to drive different people during the day and night and have no other means of supporting their family.

The women try as often as possible to not use taxis as they are very expensive. More and more former professionals have started offering taxi services as the economy suffers and they lose jobs

She gets to work at about 7:40am and goes about her job. Women usually arrive earlier for fear of losing their jobs. Since very little regulations exist for employees, there is no provision for tea breaks and lunch is usually 30 minutes. At lunch there is usually just enough time to get lunch and then go back to work. She should finish at 5pm and go home. But this is rarely the norm. Lack of regulations mean employees – especially women – are forced to work longer hours then necessary.

Also it is very common for a beautiful woman to be harassed by her male co-workers. The request from a pretty woman’s boss to stay after hours for “work" is usually an indication that work is the last thing on his mind.

The woman then usually stops along the way to buy the necessities for the home before arriving home at about 7pm. Weekends are not any different. The women needs to awake early to help her mother at home and then may spend the rest of the day helping her family or preparing for family friends who may visit.

Here comes the interesting bit. If these are friends of your parents, the conversation will eventually move to the woman’s chances for marriage and they will exert pressure on her to get married. They almost always know of some young man who will make a wonderful husband for her.

And this cycle continues, with very little chance to break away. Russian Women do not marry Western men for their money or a better life, they marry a western man for a normal life. This is something any man must remember when he goes to Russia. Yes there are many women looking at money, but you do not want to marry them. A women must see the side of you she will need when she experiences difficulty in life, the side she will need when she will obviously experience failure.

For her some commodities that are considered natural by an average foreigner are thought of as a luxury. A Russian family income of $500 is viewed as very high and signifies top standard of living. Her income will probably be between $200-250. It is not rare when a woman cannot find a job for many months even with a degree. There have been many cases where a woman has struggled to find a job, only to be fired for no apparent reason and denied payment.

This usually happens in businesses where labour is cheap and abundant. For example, in the restaurant and clothing boutique businesses. There are literally thousands of young women waiting to get jobs in these companies. It is an unfortunate but common occurance.

Moscow and St. Petersburg are notorious for this.

Household electric appliances have been introduced to Russian homes only recently and only in wealthy families. Today an average Russian family possesses such electric appliances as an electric kettle, a mixer, a tape-recorder and a TV-set. Lately a video cassette recorder has been added to the lot.

An automatic washing machine, a dish-washer, a microwave oven and an automatic kitchen set the complement of a very high income family. Therefore Russian woman has to do much more work by hand or using semi-automatic household appliances and to waste much more time on it than a foreigner. Pre-prepared food is an extreme novelty. The first time I went shopping with my husband to a supermarket, I was amazed at the level of convenience afforded. All food is pre-cooked the same day and delivered fresh. The concept of my husband deciding to get up at 9am buy food over the internet and have it delivered in 45 minutes will be new to any RW.

A Russian family very often doesn't own a car, let alone a car for each member of the family, many do not own an apartment, let alone a cottage. A personal computer is not a wide spread phenomenon as well.

Many Russian women cannot afford attending a gym, a beauty salon, hairdresser's and expensive high-quality cosmetics. Therefore she has to be her own style specialist, hairdresser and sport coach. This explains why RW are so easily able to keep themselves well groomed – they have had much practice.

Low level of income prevents Russian women from buying expensive clothes of well-known trademarks. Winter clothes present a special problem: Russian winters are very severe and a fur coat is not a luxury but a necessity. And though her budget is very tight, a Russian woman will emerge with flying colours. It is worth mentioning that foreigners are continually surprised to see so many women in expensive fur coats on the streets of Russian cities.

Russian women do not marry Western men for their money or a better life, they marry a western man for a normal life. This is something any man must remember when he goes to Russia. Yes there are many women looking at money, but you do not want to marry them. A woman must see the side of you she will need when she experiences difficulty in life, the side she will need when she will obviously experience failure.


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 Post subject: Re: e-Book on Russian Women
Post Number:#2  PostPosted: 15 Jun 2012 00:29 
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Part 2 - RW's place in society

RW have for a long time been competing to gain equal status in Russia. Although I think competing is the wrong word. I think most women have resigned themselves to the fact that they just need to wait for changes to take place – there is nothing they can do.

This sentiment typifies a RWs place in society. She is forced to go where there are opportunities for her…and there are not many. One needs to also keep in mind the structure of Russian society. Many of our clients look for doctors, lawyers and sometimes engineers to marry. They do not know that in Russian these are the least prestigious careers with the least pay. This may not be so important to our clients but at least they will understand the woman’s place in society.

The inferior placement of RW in society has much to do with their role in history. Does anyone remember any famous women from Russian history? With the exception of Catherine the Great, that is impossible to do! Russian women are experiencing two revolutions, one is the reconnection with the West, and the other the possibility of living a life which is not possible in Russia

Up to the middle of the 19th century the woman in Russia had no legal rights. She was the property of her husband and her social status depended on that of her husband. All education a woman could get was private, any public service (i.e., a possibility of taking some post) was out of the question.

The 1860s are the period of marking a change in feminine consciousness and the starting point of feminine struggle for equal rights. The idea of emancipation was conceived by the progressive, educated part of Russian women nobility. They strove for the right to get public education, including higher education. (In the 70s the higher courses of Bestuzhev were founded and existed up to the Revolution of 1917).

The first Russian emancipated women emphasized independence outwardly: they cut their hair short, smoked, abandoned their families (strove to prove they were able to support themselves), despised men, considered the institution of the family a survival of the past.

Since 1917, after the Revolution, the Soviets officially granted equal rights to men and women. But in the socialist state the women could exercise her equal rights in social labor only. Thus even popular women's magazines were called "Rabotnitsa" ("The Industrial Worker") and "Krestyanka" ("The Agricultural Worker"). The significance of the feminine personality, individual peculiarities were artificially understated. This point is easily emphasized by a comment a man once made. He said that during the 80’s he had always had the impression RW were cold, rough women with rough physical appearances. But after seeing me, he was forced to reconsider this.

In modern Russia the situation is different. Still, keeping in mind that Russian women nowadays may, though, volunteer army service, publish their works, play football and hockey there is a certain discrimination. This it is more difficult for a woman than a man to find a well-paid job, to start her own business, to launch a political career. Women account for 53 per cent of the population of Russia but this majority is represented in Parliament by only 10 per cent of its members. Women are usually treated as if they are meant to serve the whims of their male counterparts.

One friend told me about her experience in finding a job. She managed to find a job which paid only 100 rubles a day. She is attractive and young, and has been the object of much attention from men. She is a bright intelligent person who strives to succeed. The owner of the shop kept postponing her weekly payments until the end of the month. He then told her that he would not pay her unless she slept with him. Stories liken these are common and demonstrates the hardship RW face.

I'd like to draw your attention to the fact, that the social structure has a direct impact on the formation of a woman's image and the social status of women. The communist universal standardization created the I-neigh-I-bellow-I'm-a-woman-I'm-a-fellow type of women (A popular Russian rhyme used to say that a woman has to perform the functions of both men and women), but it didn't raise the woman to the level of state affairs. Perestroika (restructuring) and democracy that accompanied it helped the Russian woman feel a Woman once again, expanded the range of available professions, previously considered masculine, but they didn't radically change the public set of mind: the woman is still identified with the house, kitchen and children, while political games are played mostly by men.

This explains why RW need to be married at such a young age. They believe it is there duty to get married and be good mothers and wives. If not married by the age of at least 25, RW are considered to be old and seen through critical eyes.

Religion in a Russian Womans life

RWs lives in the age of the Czar can easily be described as pitiful at the least. Comfort could only be found in the Church. And that is where women took to shelter. They were, like it or not, tied up with the church: the rites of baptizing, marriage, burial were performed under the holy laws only. Before the Revolution people in Russia austerely observed fasts, each settlement had its own strictly revered saint and celebrated a holiday in his honor.

When the bolsheviks came to power in 1917 the situation was abruptly changed. The state home policy was directed against the church. The church was removed from the state affairs. The slogan of those years was "Religion is opium for people". Many priests and their families were persecuted. Orthodox churches were closed down everywhere, monasteries were dismissed. The destruction of the Temple of Christ the Savior in Moscow that was erected in 1812 on public money to commemorate the victory of the Russian army over Napoleon, may serve a symbol of those years.

Communist ideology replaced Christianity for many years. Believers were persecuted, those who were not members of Komsomol (young communists) found it impossible to enter an institution of higher education.

The collapse of the USSR and failure of communist ideology were accompanied by the revival of Christianity. Orthodox churches were opened everywhere at the end of the 1990s. Missionaries from the USA and West Europe extended their sphere of activity. Alongside with the Orthodox church, various protestant confessions - Baptists, Jehovah's Witnesses, Seventh Day Adventists and others are legalized and start their propaganda.

Nowadays almost every Russian woman goes to the church at least once a year to fire a candle to honor the memory of the dead or to prey for the health of the living. Many couples sanctify their marriage by going through the church rite. But modern Russian women observe only the exterior of the rites without knowing the meaning if them: they go through the rite of christening and get their children christened, they go to the church on Easter and Christmas, some observe church fasts. But this is a tribute to the tradition, religious fanatics are not numerous. The Russian Orthodox church did not manage to restore its former impact on the hearts and souls of its followers. But the link between the woman and the church is inherent in all Russian hearts, for they have always sought help from God in difficult situations.

Like all poor countries, the church is seen as a focal point for women to seek comfort. Irrespective of whether she believes in the Orthodox or Catholic Church, RW do believe that there is some higher power guiding their hand through life. I make it my duty to keep God a central point of our family because I believe God brought us together.

An ordinary Russian woman is not a real believer in Christianity, she is religious because she believes there is something watching and protecting her. Her intuition drives her to follow Christian commandments and observe Christian rites. Not many would tell you the difference between the Orthodox church and the Roman Catholic church, but the Russian woman trusts in only one God to help her cope with her life that is far from being straight and easy.

The Culture of Russian Women

Russian women are remarkable for their gifts. In the fields of sport, science and art, they have distinguished themselves. In the World History of Arts are described the names of Russian ballet dancers - Anna Pavlova, Maya Plisetskaya, opera singers - Elena Obrztsova, Galina Vishnevskaya, Irina Arkhipova, the primadonna of the Russian pop-art Alla Pugachova, poets Marina Tsvetayeva, Anna Akhmatova. This list could be extended.

Introducing a child to the world of arts is an integral part of education in Russia. Even if the girl's aptitudes are not outstanding, it is a Russian tradition to have her take a course in some arts, at least at the basic level: there are music and arts schools, courses, societies in big cities and small towns. It is every mothers dream to see their daughter develop great skill in a musical instrument.

Thus, even a remote provincial town can provide a girl with an opportunity to study classical, folk and ballet dancing, playing different folk instruments, the violin and the piano, vocal singing and singing in a choir.

At the age of four children may start attending schools of general esthetical education and have classes in music, drawing, rhythmics. Naturally, not all girls will become professional artists, singers, ballet dancers or musicians, but the Russian woman keeps her interest for erudition in arts for the rest of her life.

Russian women not only create art but also spread it and even save it for the generations to come. You will see it yourself if you pay a visit to any museum, art gallery, library in any Russian town.

What would you think, who works there? You're quite right, of course, women. They've selflessly devoted their lives to serving art, in bitterly cold halls that need repairs badly, for pitiful salaries. You would wonder, who drives them? Firstly, their love for the art. Secondly, their genuine desire to showcase their culture. It is art alone that can provide the spiritual resurrection of the nation.

Aesthetic tastes the modern Russian woman are wide ranging. They depend on several things: a woman's social status, her education, upbringing, family traditions, her location (the capital - a regional center - the county), her personality, temperament, mood. Tastes, i.e. musical. Artistic, theatrical, differ.

Some will listen to nothing but folk choir, others - to symphony orchestra, the third - to rock groups, the fourth - to pop groups. Or still better, one day a woman listens to Bach's fugues, another - she is picking up the tune of a pop song of Alla Pugachova.

It is not only in the arts that RW distinguish themselves. One need only look at the field of science to see RW making an impact. Such names as Valentina Tereschkova standout as inspiration to young women.

Thus it can be said that RW excel because they are determined to be the best. Potential husbands for RW should bear this in mind. While all internet dating agencies proclaim all RW to only be interested in a marriage and family, that may change after she adjusts to her new surroundings. With access to new opportunities she may yearn to do things she never had an opportunity to do in Russia


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 Post subject: Re: e-Book on Russian Women
Post Number:#3  PostPosted: 16 Jun 2012 07:00 
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Part 3 - EDUCATION

Below is a description of the Russian educational system and RW. When reading this it appears that there are many opportunities available to RW. In practice this is not true. Young girls have always been approached by their male teachers to satisfy their sick fantasies. There are numerous cases where grades are withheld until the girl complies. This behaviour can be traced all the way until the end of university.

And it does not get any better when the – now – woman starts looking for a job. Russia turns out thousands of musicians to serve a music industry smaller than that in Boise, Idaho. With limited opportunities for employment, men understand the power they have over woman looking for careers. It is very common for sexual favours to be demanded in return for employment. This is why RW turn so frequently to marrying Western men. While sexual harassment does happen in the West, at least it is not an ingrained part of society nor is it unpunished by the courts

Russian women have the right to attend all levels of education. The problem lies in balancing the needs of education with the need to earn money. The compulsory secondary education is free. It provides the minimal required level of education and enables her to continue her studies. There are also private schools with high fees, but it is up to the parents where they will place their child. As a rule the curricular are the same for boys and girls as they study together. The only essential distinction lies in courses of housekeeping activities. During this course girls study the ABC of cooking, dressmaking, embroidery, designing and housekeeping. This in itself gives RW some indication of where they are expected to fit into society.

Having got the certificate of secondary education, every Russian girl may take a two-year course of higher grade course or enter a specialized institution of secondary education (technical school, vocational school, college etc.) where she will receive training in some profession alongside with completing her secondary education that will enable her to enter an institution of higher education.

In most cases there is no sex discrimination in receiving training in any profession. Not long ago girls were not admitted to military or marine schools but in recent years this restriction has been lifted so that everybody who passed the entrance exams and was approved by the medical board could get the profession of a policeman/woman, an army officer, a captain of a sea vessel, etc.

What professions are most favored nowadays by Russian women? In specialized secondary schools those of book-keeper, shop-assistant, secretary, manager, hairdresser and dressmaker. In universities those of lawyer and economist that are considered to be in demand and offer an opportunity to get a well-paid job. At present Russian universities release twice as much lawyers and economists than in 1991. No less prestigious are the faculties of psychology and sociology where the competition has increased considerably during last 4-5 years. The most attractive among the medical professions is that of a dentist. When choosing a University and a Faculty to enter a Russian girl acts in accordance with her preferences, aptitudes, interest, prestige of a certain profession, a possibility to get a well-paid job after graduation. But we have to admit, to our regret, that a diploma of any educational institution of any level even if there are only top marks there doesn't guarantee a Russian girl the job she has been trained for. Her knowledge turns out to be unnecessary. This is a paradox of nowadays: the Russian state, having invested huge sums of money in education of top-class specialists, does not allow provide careers for these trained professionals

Women in Russia may theoretically take courses in two or even three universities. Besides, there is a possibility of improving one's knowledge in his/her field at the Faculties of raising qualification, at the post-graduate courses for people writing a theses to obtain candidate or doctor of science degree, at various seminars and specialized courses. Many middle aged Russian women, unemployed or seeking for a more satisfying job, start to attend specialized courses to master a chosen trade that is in keen labor demand. The courses offer assistance in mastering the trades of lawyer, psychologist, book-keeper, auditor, manager, economist, secretary, hairdresser and shop-assistant. Many educational centers guarantee provision of employment. But the way things go in reality proves it is practically impossible to find a job in a good firm after six months courses. Nevertheless life offers Russian women greater opportunities nowadays. Many women ventured to give up their steady jobs, even if they yielded good money, for a try to make use of their creative business gifts and started their own businesses.

Russian Women and Attire

Many people have said “Russia has the worlds most beautiful women". After travelling to South African, France, Czech Republic, Switzerland, Germany, Poland, Bulgaria and Israel – I would have to disagree. Each of these countries possess women of comparable if not more beauty and grace.

But if you were too look at the average RW in a shopping in a market or buying books for her family, then I would say there is no comparison. The average Russian women takes much better care of herself and her appearance so that she looks betters than another women.

In Russia a pretty woman will succeed not only in private life, but also in business. That is why a Russian woman strives to keep herself in good form. The desire to look pretty has been an integral part of her life style for so long that it has deeply rooted in her mentality. Odd woman, going out, wouldn't line the eyes, apply lipstick and powder her nose. If a Russian woman didn't use make up she would feel as if she were naked. Expensive cosmetics are available for rich women only. But would the opening of Eastern Europe and Russia’s impending ascension to the WTO, cheap cosmetics have arrived. Also many women live with their parents and they can easily afford to buy just a little cosmetics.

Russian Woman and Clothes

When a man abroad arrives in Moscow he is shocked at first to see that the streets are swarming with, so it seems to him, prostitutes: all women are wearing provocative clothes, make up and manicured hands.

But he must remember that in Russia a woman ignoring her sex peculiarities and engrossed in her work is viewed as an odd and absurd creature - a "bluestocking". You imagine incredible affection for grey colors, baggy skirt with a slit with knee-high stocking visible in it, hair of indefinite color tied up in a pitiful ponytail, grey face without any lively colors. This image has been repeatedly reproduced in the Russian cinema and is universally despised. Perhaps, this can account for the extraordinary attention of a Russian woman to her looks. Whatever the trends in fashion, the major goal a Russian woman tries to attain in her clothes is to emphasize her gentleness and beauty.

Russian Women and Health

When you speak to most RW about their health, they will usually refer to their spiritual health and their physical health. RW are firm believers that the way the way they conduct their lives determines their spiritual health. They will also talk about their physical health. RW would rather avoid Russian hospitals. They believe the doctors are not very good nor do they care much about their patients. Every RW will know of a case where a friend visited many doctors and was unable to be cured. The story will not stop there. They will then refer to a “not usually" doctor who managed to cure the ailment.

Russia’s developing medical system does yet recognise these “not usually" doctors. In the West they are called aromatherapists or some other fancy name. These doctors try to explain their methods to the general population by talking about spiritual health and well-being. Do not be surprised if your prospective partner wants to see a “not usually" doctor. She is simply referring to alternative medical practices.

It is common knowledge that there are no absolutely healthy people in the modern world. This is also true for Russia. A CNN/Time poll conducted in Russia yielded the following results: 7.9% of the population consider themselves healthy; 46.5% - subject to occasional illnesses; 41% have chronic diseases; and 4.5% think they are incurable. However one must remember that the environment can influence this greatly. The high death toll, shorter length of life, increase in the number of infectious and chronic diseases that have boomed in recent years result essentially from social disturbances. Change the living conditions and you will see the above mentioned rates change for the better. What is most important is that genetically sound constitution permits a Russia woman, under optimum conditions, give birth to healthy babies.

Doctors have been trying with various success to help the Russian woman preserve health. Though the system of preventive treatment and early diagnosing of diseases has yet found its proper employment, 67.4% of Russian women are treated in the regional polyclinics, 19.3% - at medical centers, 8.6% are treated by private doctors.

A great number of Russian women (about 63.4%) venture a course of treatment without first consulting a specialist, and 5.5% of women apply to “healers"

The most 'popular' kind of medical service is dentistry - 54% of the people questioned, then come gynecology - 36.2%, and gastroenterology - 35%. Many need a psychological treatment (this is especially relevant to housewives) - 32.8%.

Sport plays an important part in healthcare. In recent years there have been a universal tendency among Russian girls and young women to go in for aerobics, shaping and gymnastics. The women of forty and more years old attend health groups. A vigorous development is experienced by socially prestigious kinds of sport that were not encouraged before, such as lawn-tennis and mountain skiing.

While RW make every effort to lead a healthy life, there are many cases of excessive alcoholism, drug abuse and cigarette smoking. Many women almost never admit to these peculiarities during the early stages of correspondence with men. They feel the man will simply not be interested. But they believe that their lives are so miserable, they just cannot survive without them.

Here it is important for every man seeking a RW to consider this. No Russian agency will tell you this upfront, and many will simply change the woman’s application so that there is no indication. If this is important for the man, a good way of getting around this is to use a personalized match-making services. In these services the experienced agency staff serve as a filter to find compatible partners.

Russian and Eating

Very few RW buy pre-cooked meals. The concept is absolutely foreign to them. Do not be surprised if your wife mentions Russian food is much better the first time you go shopping in her new home. She is not being rude, she simply equates freshness to healthy food. Russian people prefer buying vegetables and fruits in markets because it is more fresh.

Typical Russian women will try to cook food at home because for her, it is the wife’s job to ensure her husband eats wholesome and healthy food. A true Russian women will shun fancy restaurants for the joy of preparing a meal at home. This can be a traumatic time for most women if they cannot find the right recipe and they strive for perfection. Please refer to our section on Post Marriage Support for more advice.

Russians take great care of nutrition. A person's food must be abundant, tasty and nourishing. Though public restaurants and bars numerous, especially in big cities, the Russians would prefer home-made food. Naturally, the major daily responsibility for cooking lies upon the woman. Nobody pays attention whether she likes it or not; the cooking is her moral obligation.

Russian women prefer natural products to feed their families with. This is what you would find in a typical Russian family rations:

Dairy products. They take one of the top positions in the list of products Russians cannot do without. As a rule they use fresh dairy products, i.e. they are to be eaten within three days. Therefore these products do not contain any preservatives, so called "live" products. They are milk (fat content may vary from 1.5 to 3.5 per cent), fermented dairy products (kefir, ryazhenka, varenets, curdled milk, bifidok, etc.), cottage cheese products (cottage cheese, sweet cottage cheese paste, etc.), sour cream, yogurts. The consumption level of butter and cheese is also very high.

Do not be surprised if your new dribe refuses to buy products with long expiry dates. She believes they not so fresh

Porridge and cereals. These are real Russian dishes that date back to ancient times. That is why breakfast menu in many families includes cereals: rice, semolina, millet, fine-barley, buckwheat, pumpkin, etc. Porridge is a necessary component of the diet of the women who take care of their good looks.

Vegetables. Is there a Russian woman who wouldn't cook a dozen of potato dishes. And beets, carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, black radishes, turnips, cabbage, marrows, aubergines? They are all included in the Russian diet, and very often they are grown at private garden plots (dachas). That means that they don't need to be tested for nitrates. Russian women, provided with creative imagination in cooking, can make very healthy and delicious dishes of these vegetables.

Meat. It is practically impossible to survive a severe Russian winter without meat, which is, first of all, a powerful source of energy. The idea of using concentrated dry broth cubes instead of fresh-made natural meat broth for cooking a soup will seem absurd to any Russian woman. The daily menu of most Russian families necessarily includes a meat or a sausage dish, though recently the number of women refriaining from eating meat products has increased. They are not vegetarians in full sense, more likely, they follow one of the theories that meat is bad for the body.

Fish. It doesn't play a significant role in the Russian diet as meat. Still at least once a week a fish dish makes one of the courses.

Baking. Pies, patties, rolls, tarts, buns, cakes - the Russian woman is proficient in cooking them all. What can be found in the stores of a Russian woman of any age living in a small town or in the city? A sack of flour and a sack of sugar. She herself prepares the dough and bakes. Can you think of anything more delicious than a fresh-baked home-made bun?

Tea. Famous Russian tea ceremony is not just mere words. If the hostess of the house doesn't offer tea to her guest she will be considered inhospitable. The tea should be accompanied by cookies, buns, sweets, jam, honey. This is what we mean by Russian tea. And if you are invited to tea on weekend or a holiday, you will be treated to pastries and cakes baked for the occasion.

Speaking about general tendencies in a Russian woman's attitude to nutrition and cooking we should bear in mind that women in Russia differ from one another, as women everywhere in the world, in their habits, ways and affections. Some are fond of cooking and are culinary geniuses, others feel like criminals serving a life sentence of cooking. Still others would be happy to devote some time to cooking but can't allot any. One person is a culinary connoisseur, the other - is utterly unsusceptible to what she eats.

Also depending the region your wife is from can have a significant affect on her style of cooking. Women from the far east city of Vladivostok will have strong Asian influences in their cooking. Women from Moscow and St. Petersburg will tend be be more Eurocentric.


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 Post subject: Re: e-Book on Russian Women
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Part 4 - HOME

It has traditionally been the role of RW to carry out duties in the home. And herein may lie a potential problem for the expectation between the RW and western husband may differ. Foreign men may read all the different marriage sites, which proclaim a RW will make a wonderful wife and stay at home all day cleaning and cooking.

However we always advise a client to keep in mind why a RW is leaving Russia. She just wants to live a normal life. For some women this may mean staying at home and being the perfect housewife while her husband works. Other leave Russia because they want opportunities to work and do more than being a housewife. Men need to consider this men they marry a RW. All the documents you read will never tell you what to expect. You need to spend much time talking to your prospective partner and planning for your life ahead.

Another thing to consider is that there is now a growing group of women who never even have thoughts of being an housewife. They are not looking for a normal life. They are looking for a better life.

It is an ancient custom for a woman to run the house: cleaning, cooking, looking after the children, washing and mending the linen, making preserves. As a matter of fact, the ideas of the wife's duties have been adjusted in the long run but haven't essentially changed.

In Russia the responsibility for maintaining order in a home (daily and overall cleaning) lies upon the woman. Russian women are naturally very clean, therefore their home, either a town apartment or a country cottage, is shining as a rule. There are several ways to attain the goal.

In high-income families the work is done by a daily help or people from special agencies hired by the hostess on purpose. The hostess is to control their work.

Most Russian families cannot afford a hired cleaner, so the task is carried out by the feminine part of the family: grandmother, mother and grown-up children. In united, loving families men can also participate actively in maintaining order.

Modern city-dwellers very often do not distinguish between wife's and husband's house duties: they prefer to carry them out together, or a spouse having spare time and a desire to do it at the moment, dies the work. In the country they stick to the traditional division of labor. The living conditions can easily account for the fact. In the country men retain the duties connected with hard physical work in running the family farm and garden. That's why women shoulder all concerns for the home.

Clean linen and clothes are the second concern of Russian women. Neatly dressed children and husband wearing a clean well ironed shirt add to her reputation of a good wife.

Kitchen. It has always been the working place of the Russian woman in the house. Deprived of electric kitchen appliances aid, the Russian woman is engaged in a non-stop cycle of cutting, boiling and frying something. One of the characteristic features of the Russian cuisine is a great number of ingredients, and it's very time and effort consuming. Russian women treat with distrust the semi-finished products and prefer to do everything with their own hands. In summer and autumn the usual continuing cycle of cooking breakfast, dinner and supper is accompanied by making preserves for winter: juices, jams, pickles, salads.

Children. Theoretically, a three-year long leave to look after a new-born can be granted on either a father or a mother, but in reality fathers exercise this right only in exceptional cases. That means that looking after the children is exclusively mother's duty.

Dacha (garden plot). In the 1990s dachas turned from a place for rest into a major means of surviving - people then were more like farmers than amateur gardeners. A dacha is a place to grow vegetables, fruit, berries, to breed poultry, cows, pigs. Under economic crisis and unemployment conditions, in circumstances when wages are not at paid or detained, when food prices grow steadily up, a dacha provides food thus avoiding death. And again the major part of the dacha burden falls to the woman's lot: she tends seedlings in spring, she plants, weeds waters, gathers the harvest, makes preserves in summer and in autumn. Of course there are fanatics for whom working in the garden is a hobby. Most people, however, refrain from having rest on weekends and work themselves into fainting out of ruthless necessity, because the Russian woman doesn't see any other ways to provide her family with fresh vegetables and fruit.

So we won't be mistaken if we claim that the Russian woman doesn't imagine herself apart from her house. Traditionally she runs the house, not considering the task an unbearable burden. Still any Russian woman will dream of having less house work waiting to be done.

Russian Women and Domestic Finance

In Russia up to nowadays the most common family type is the one in which wife is the family Treasurer; husband will give her the money her earns and... this is the limit to his authority over money matters. It is not vital in a Russian family, who cooks, cleans and does the washing and who earns the money. Each tries to meet the requirements of a specific situation. Spouses make roughly equal contribution to the family budget. The attitudes of modern Russian women towards money vary. Some follow the principle 'don't put off till tomorrow what you can spend today', others plan, how much and for what purpose to spend in minute details. The disconcerting Russian life makes the woman plan thoroughly the family budget: the wages day used to be fixed and this allowed it to plan 'from the one wage to the next one', so to say; nowadays nobody feels confident about the day to come, and Russian women have learnt to save for a rainy day.

And still is there a woman who hasn't ever been tempted to buy a thing that caught her eye and spent more than a half of the family budget? Russian women are also subject to such 'fits'. Though lately Russian women lose their head and spend money yielding to an occasional temptation considerably less often.

If the financial well-being of the Russian woman improves, she doesn't turn into a spendthrift. She will enjoy the feeling of confidence that money ensures, and may buy some trifle for herself to prove that she is free to spend. Though practical experience shows that the women having so called 'spare money' turn to be more economical and careful in their spending than their less wealthy female friends.

If you marry a decent Russian woman, you won't have to beware the 'sudden' loss of your money She won't do any major purchases without consulting with you first: traditionally Russians discuss such matters at a 'family council'.

In essence wisdom and shrewdness which is so characteristic of the Russian woman allowed her to understand that chronic lack of money results in family crises and destruction of man's social status, but that huge income isn't a universal panacea either; on the contrary, in is accompanied by new troubles.


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 Post subject: Re: e-Book on Russian Women
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Part 5 - FREE TIME

The Russian woman often complains that she cannot squeeze all her numerous house tasks and everyday problems into a 24-hours day. Nevertheless, the life in Russia is arranged according to the old proverb, which can literally be translated as 'Devote you whole time to the business and only an hour of it to rest'.

After hard work the Russian woman can relax and have a good rest. Though the weekends are usually full of washing, cleaning, ironing and linen mending and summer vacations to tending the dacha, weeding and gathering the harvest and making as much as possible preserves for winter. But the moment comes and the Russian woman flatly states: "Stop, it's high time to get my breath!"

And where does a Russian woman rest?

In banya (Russian sauna). The banya is not only a ceremony of getting clean but rather a means of getting rid of a stress, a relaxation. It clears the organism, rejuvenates it and trains the heart muscle.

Treating her female friends to tea or a glass of wine or sometimes, to tell the truth, to a thimble of vodka, accompanied by pickles, fish, meat, Russian pelmeni (meat-filled dumplings).

On the sofa reading a book or a magazine.

At the theatre, an exhibition or a concert.

Going shopping to fashion stores.

At various amateur societies.

Going in for sports or hiking in the forest.

And, of course, at her favorite needlework: dressmaking, embroidery, knitting, for the Russian woman is very good at different kinds of handwork; there is nothing she cannot do. You wouldn't frequently come across a woman that didn't know knitting or crochet-work. They allow Russian women to have a bit of rest and, at the same time, to relieve the strain, to exercise her creative powers, to improve the family well-being by producing nice and cheap clothes for the children, husband and herself. I daresay, knitting takes the top position in the list of the Russian woman's hobbies.

The second position in the said list belongs to cooking. Many women collect the recipes of pipes and cakes for years, they experiment and crate new dishes which become specialty in the house.

It is obvious that the Russian woman's hobbies are not mere passions but always have practical implications for the home and the family.

Thus, each Russian woman chooses a hobby which suits her. Some take up painting, others write poetry, still others devote their spare minute to reading or their pets. A woman may not have a hobby as such, but almost everybody prefers some employment to all others which both her soul and body enjoy.

Russian Women and Nature

In Russian literature a woman, a mother has always identified with nature, natural element. It is no mere chance that Russian literature and folklore abound with images and symbols of nature: mother-nature, Mother-land, 'mother birch grove'. As for the birch tree, a symbol of Russia, it has always been the personification of the maid or the bride.

It is not only nature that has been compared to the woman. A woman's life and fate have also been described by the images taken from nature: in a popular folk song which is often sung at table on holidays, a mountain ash (a woman) laments her fate, for she is not able to cross the river and lean against an oak (a man).

The family life calendar is also closely connected with nature. There was a tradition in ancient Russia to celebrate weddings in winter, after the crops had been reaped. A woman's life was directly determined by natural order. Nowadays, the connection is much looser.

But even now most Russian women cannot remain indifferent to nature and its beauty. It is the spiritual affinity with nature, a subconscious desire for beauty and harmony that cause a Russian woman to wander in the forest, a public garden or a park. Nature gives a Russian woman at least a short rest from daily troubles and concerns, restores her energy and improves her health.

Russian woman's love for nature is manifest in her care for house pets: cats, dogs, fish, tortoises, parrots, canaries. Any animated being cap take the post of a pet in a Russian woman's house, because a devoted living soul by her side is essential for her, while her man is often too busy. Animals, sharing her joys and sorrows, become bosom friends for a Russian woman; sometimes they are the only ones who have patience and tact enough to listen through their mistress's effusions without giving silly and unsolicited advice. At times, a favorite cat or a dog, with the eyes expressing utter devotion make the best psychologist for a Russian woman. Pets help Russian women control stress, calm down, improve the mood, and this is not a mere trifle in our restless community. This may well be the reason for the growing popularity of pets among the Russians.

It is obvious that the attitude to the living nature - plants and animals - is one of the criteria to assess the morals and spiritual wealth of a Russian woman. So if you want to know the soul of a Russian woman, look whether she is able to apprehend the beauty of the nature.

Russian Women and technology

How is the Russian woman related to electric appliances? Like anywhere in the world their relations differ. Some women are on friendly terms with electric appliances, others on very formal and stringent. Some can fix a faucet and carry put minor repairs in irons or washing machines, the technical skills of others are limited to pressing a TV remote control button and the forced replacement of the burnt out bulb is equal to heroic deed for them. And still how does a modern Russian woman manage household electric appliances, a computer, a motorcar?

Russian woman and electric appliances. Russia has been swarmed with various types of electric appliances lately, and the woman has no other way out than to get accustomed to it. Now we can't even notice how we switch on an electric kettle or a vacuum cleaner, but more complex equipment is still inspiring the Russian woman with fear and profound veneration.

Perhaps behind the Russian woman's shunning of the products of the latest technology lies her desire to involve man in household duties, because in Russia, notwithstanding the fact that the woman operated combines, designed military material, carried out other historically masculine jobs, the household equipment has been considered the domain of man. And the woman is not welcome there. Russian women, not excessively interested in feminism, are quite satisfied with the said distribution of duties. Especially because they CAN operate any household electric appliances, if they wish, but will never admit to it before their husband does it. It is quite another thing when these appliances get out of order or malfunction. Of course, service centers and repair shops are always at the woman's disposal, but even then she would prefer to have it fixed by her man.

Russian woman and computer, Internet. Although are becoming an integral part of everyday life of Russian people and women in particular, very often many facilities they provide are not exploited. Many Russian families use it as an expensive toy or a clever typewriter. Internet is not widely spread yet. It is confined to big cities mostly. In other towns and villages it meets powerful obstacles to its proliferation, such as poor means and quality of communications, considerable fares for the use of Internet, the lack of necessary knowledge and technical skills. But the progress is inevitable and more and more Russian women join the legion of Internet users. Sociological polls show that 70% of Russian Internet users are men, that is the remaining 30% are women.

Russian woman and motorcar. Hardly anybody is surprised nowadays to see a woman drive a car. She uses the car to take her children to school or a sports club, make a shopping round, call upon her hairdresser, and be at work in time. Most Russian women who take up driving a car seek for a comfort and considerable cuts in time wasting. However not all Russian women have a car. A woman can have thousands of reason to buy it, a powerful strong desire to learn to drive it, but has no money to buy it The statement 'A car is not a luxury but a means of transportation' sounds a bit mocking to a Russian woman. It is clear that the rhythm of modern life makes a car indispensable but the economic situation prevents most women from the commodity.

The achievements of the latest technology are introduced into the Russian woman's life on a larger scale. The household electric appliances take much of house labor off women's shoulders, that's why Russian women have been quick to appreciate it.

The computer and the motorcar are less available and more complex, but life makes Russian women master even such equipment. But in most cases Russian women are satisfies with being just users: elimination of any faults and repair work, even minor, are still the domain of man.


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 Post subject: Re: e-Book on Russian Women
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Part 6 - BAD HABITS

Let us see, what habits can be called bad? First of all, those that do irreparable harm to a woman's health, destroy her social status, lead to family conflicts and make her children suffer. In other words, social problems, such as smoking, alcoholism and drug-addiction. People throughout the world are subject to these habits, Russia is not an exception.

Smoking. It is common knowledge that nicotine does mach harm to the woman's looks and health. Still, not every woman can curb the nicotine addiction though there exist a great number of methods to fight it. Sometimes Russian women justify their smoking by saying that it seems to keep them from getting stout. At the same time, it has been proved that the female organism is injured by smoking to a greater extent than the male's one.

The most horrible feature of the Russian reality is that the number of smoking girls and women is increasing while the number of smoking men has dropped, thus indicating their genuine interest in the healthy way of life.

Why does a Russian woman smoke knowing what it will result in? Let us name the most typical reasons:

  • a desire to look like her female friends;
  • an orientation on the western cinema woman-hero type;
  • a way to fight extra kilos;
  • a way to relax;
  • [/img]a desire to look cool;
  • a desire to have equal right with men.

Alcohol addiction. It is much more dangerous than smoking. As a rule, it takes a woman less time to become a habitual drunkard than a man, and her treatment is more difficult. In Russia drunkards traditionally evoked resentment and women-drunkards were uncommon. Nowadays a sight of a drunkard irritates but, alas, doesn't shock anymore. A mother drunkard means grief and suffering for children, uncozy home, family quarrels and a divorce. There is a proverb that shows the people's attitude towards a woman-drunkard: "If husband abuses alcohol - half of the house is on fire, if wife abuses alcohol - the whole house is on fire."

What leads a woman to this fatal habit?

  • Loneliness;
  • genetic inclination;
  • problems at work or in the family;
  • [/img]close friends and relatives-drunkards.

Drug-addiction. This is a relatively new problem for the Russian society, that appeared and began its proliferation about ten years ago. That is why it mostly concerns teenager girls. Women of 30 and more years old have learnt about it by hearsay, as a rule, or from the experience of their children who started taking drugs.

But whatever the case, we must say that drug-addiction affected only a small portion of the feminine population of Russia.

Overeating. Perhaps the Russian woman's habit to eat much nutritious food should also be classified as one of bad habits, because its consequence - obesity - doesn't add to the woman's beauty and health. Russian history knows periods of universal starvation, they may account for the conviction shared by most Russian people that tasty food means rich, sweet and abundant food.

Labor-addiction (obsession with work). No less harmful, in my opinion. Is the habit of many Russian women to deprive themselves of rest. Very often Russian women devote their weekends to labor-consuming household duties: washing, cleaning or working in the dacha. The desire very characteristic of many Russian women to shoulder all housework, thus freeing the husband and the children from it, results in overstrain, neuroses and other more grave disorders. Russian women tend to forget about themselves. You can come upon a case of a forty-year-old woman sacrificing her own interest to those of her children from objective money considerations, but mostly because of her maternal love.

Please don't think that the habits described above are typical and immanent of the Russian character. Most Russian women abstain from bad habits or overcome them successfully. I dare to assure you that the Russian woman is naturally more virtuous than vicious.

Russian Women and dating culture

You can get acquainted with a Russian woman in different ways. But from my point of view, a typical Russian woman would consider ideal (it is the most wide-spread, by the way) the following patterns of doing it: reading the advertisement - exchange of letters - a face-to-face date - parting that would give both of you time to think the matter over - wedding. I will try to give a detailed analysis of your possible relations with a Russian woman at each step.

Reading the Advertisement. The First Letter.

So, you are in possession of the address of the woman you liked and decided to write a letter to. How and what should you write? Provide full information about yourself: your height, weight, age education, the company you work in and your post; whether you have ever been married and got children, how old they are and what they do; tell about your parents and the city you live in.

In short, write plainly about everything you think worth mentioning in the first letter to a stranger. Bear it in mind that it is not customary in Russia to call a woman 'dear', 'love', 'sweet' in the first letter. A woman will feel you are insincere. You may also write about your hobbies. While writing the letter try to make it sound more emotional. You'd better avoid the style of official, formal reports. Show your sense of humor but mind that sometimes the situations laughed at by Russians and by people of other nations do not coincide. You ought to state plainly what you find not acceptable in the family life and a woman's character. This would eliminate the risk of disappointment in future. Show your genuine interest in your addressee, not only her good looks but her inner world, her personality (hobbies, attitudes, beliefs, etc.) as well.

It is hardly advisable to mention in the first letter your previous failures and disappointments in private life: woman might think you are trying to have her cure you neuroses instead of looking for the woman of your life. Neither it is worth writing about your financial situation, especially trying to dazzle her with you money: a Russian woman (if she is not a money-hunter) looks for a man but not for his bank account. Be so considerate as to ask the woman what correspondence she would prefer (e-mail or ordinary post). If she chooses ordinary letters, make sure that your handwriting is legible.

Russian women will appreciate hand-written letters since a typed letter is considered official, dry, even bureaucratic. But if your handwriting is illegible you'd better enclose a typed copy personally signed. If you write in Russian the woman will be grateful for your efforts to make the reading easier for her, even if your Russian leaves much to be desired. If you decide to write in your native language, then use simple common words and structures, refrain from slang and colloquial words, terms and polysemantic words so that there wouldn't arise any difficulties in understanding. You may accompany your first letter with a photo, the one you like most and which reflects your personality in the best way. You may send several photos if you like: of your relatives and you and others. Try not to make the photos an advertisement of your house, car, garden; remember that you are looking for a woman who would fall in love with you and not with your money.

What to Write and Ask in Subsequent Letters to a Russian Woman

Do not be afraid of expressing your genuine feelings and thoughts: the Russian woman is naturally very emotional and sensitive. Ask questions and answer hers in return. Your questions might be like following: Why are you single? What kind of a man would you like to see near you? How do you imagine your post-wedding life? What is more important for you: family or business career? Ask how she spent last week and tell her what you did all this time. Write about everything you find interesting. Seek for her advice on this or that matter or difficult situation in your life.

Share your plans for the future with her. Introduce her to your country, its customs and traditions, way of thinking, national holidays, the city you live in, what is found decent and appreciated in your circle and what is not. In your turn inquire after the same matters. They are not only an excuse to start the conversation but also a way to avoid misunderstanding, outrages and misbehavior caused by national peculiarities and manners.

It is only logical to ask how long the acquaintance by correspondence should last? In this matter, like anywhere else, you should retain the sense of proportion. On the one hand, long correspondence provides an opportunity to know each other better.

On the other hand, Russian women don't like inert men and will find long correspondence a great nuisance. Therefore you have to pick the crucial moment of transition to personal meeting intuitively.

What You'd Better Not Ask and Write in Your Letters to a Russian Woman, What Can Scare Her Off

For example, I wouldn't feel like answering such questions as: Have you had sexual experience? How many sexual partners have you had? (By the way, your unfavorable reports of your previous affairs may be taken by a Russian woman as an ominous sign).

What is the state of your health? This question will evoke surprise and apprehension: do I look that bad in the photo? The Russians consider it inappropriate to discuss one's own or another's health otherwise than a specialist. If you do worry about the state of her health, then you ought to save your anxiety for a face-to-face date when you have got to know one another fairly well your question wouldn't seem unnatural and tactless.

Why do you want to marry a foreigner? Why have you placed your advertisement in Internet? The way a Russian woman looks for a partner is her own business and is too private to be discussed, at least at the beginning of the acquaintance.

You should avoid too many questions. A surge of questions in your first letter would make a Russian woman feel as if she were interrogated. Do not ask her to send you a photo of herself in bikini, for a woman wants a man to appreciate not only her looks but her inner world as well. Do not overindulge in discussing political matters since Russian women prefer to leave politics to men. Do not devote you letter to describing weather: Russians are convinced that one talks about the weather when there is nothing else to talk about.

Do not compare social and economic situations in Russia and your country because boasting seems absurd and criticism of the life in Russian can offend and insult the woman. Russians love their country and expect a respectful attitude towards their feelings.

How You Should Analyze the Letters of a Russian Woman

To make sure that the woman you have chosen is honest and genuine in her attitude towards you, ask her one and the same questions in two different letters following each other at a certain interval. Then compare the answers. The fact that she deliberately neglects answering questions vital for you is worth noting. Pay your attention to what prevails in her letters: is she engrossed in the story of her life or tries to answer your questions and asks as many about you. A woman who is really interested in you won't advertise herself but try to give detailed answers to your questions and, in return, to find out as much as possible about you and your personality.

Look at the pathos of her letters. Unemotional plain letters do not reflect so much her reserved temper as her real attitude towards you: a Russian woman in love cannot conceal her emotions. Look out when a woman starts talking about marriage and her moving in with you in the very first letters. Any genuine feelings are out of question here. Most likely you've come across a woman obsessed with the idea of leaving her country and improving her welfare. You are just a step on her way towards attaining the goal.

It is essential that the set of values of the woman was close to that of yours. Give preference to women who write detailed letters. If you happen to know that the woman carries correspondence on with several men but hasn't yet made her final choice, do not be discouraged. That means that you have to deal with a serious and intelligent woman who is looking for her ideal partner. Do not break off correspondence with the woman who is clever, modest, patient, able to express her thoughts logically, a woman who has fascinated you and indicates an interest in you in return.


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Part 7 - THINKS TO KNOW

You should know from the very beginning that photos may be deceiving. Some people look stunning beauties on photos while in real life they would attract nobody's eyes. Others are not so photogenic, however one would find them quite pretty on close acquaintance. Still it is practically impossible to make the final choice without a photo. To avoid disappointment send and ask for many photos.

Perhaps it is not worth scrutinizing every separate feature in case you don't place exacting demands upon her, for example, blue eyes and long fair hair. You'd better stick to a general impression of a woman's face. Listen attentively to your heart. I'm sure it will help you make the right choice. Study not only the photo but also the description given by the woman herself. Does it correspond to the photo? A beautiful and rather confident in herself woman may send a rather bold photo.

What should be your attitude towards this? If she looks sex-appealing it doesn't reveal her character. She may have felt your desire and responded in such way. A photo is the first timid step towards getting really acquainted and choosing a life partner. If there arise any questions while analyzing the photo you may ask them the woman tactfully and cautiously.

In What Cases the Correspondence Should Be Discontinued

It depends on your intentions a great deal whether to stop the correspondence or to go on with it. One often has a feeling that a company of a certain person has become a nuisance. Why has it happened? It almost impossible to give a definite answer. Most likely the rupture of relations and consequently the correspondence has resulted from a number of reasons. My opinion may be considered subjective , but still I do advise to discontinue the correspondence if:

  • you cannot make a compromise over your plans for the future;
  • her set of values is not acceptable to you;
  • you have felt that her stimulus behind her letters is mercenary spirit or a desire to
  • leave Russia by any means and not her fancy for you;
  • you repeatedly catch her in a lie;
  • all topics have been exhausted and you continue to write letters just for the sake of writing letters.

You should encourage the correspondence with the woman whom you've got interested in, even if you discover deep dissention on some questions between you. In future you will be able to overcome it. It is also worth going on:

  • if you feel her interest towards yourself and your life isn't artificial;
  • if you feel like sharing your fondest dreams and wishes with her;
  • if she is not only an interesting person to talk to but also a sympathetic responsive friend;
  • if you are eager to meet her;
  • if you feel like proposing her.

Meeting a Russian Woman

A face-to-face date is logically emerging from your correspondence, and that means your are not complete strangers to each other. Therefore your major task at this stage of your relations will be to overcome:

  • natural restraint;
  • fear to be disappointed;
  • fear to meet disappointment.

Be your own self, behave as you would have behaved in other similar situations. Do not put on airs. It is better to laugh together at your shyness and perplexity than to pretend being at ease.

You should get ready as carefully as possible for the first date. Think over everything up to details: your first phrase, intonation, topics to talk of to avoid confusing silence. There are several points for you to bear in mind.

Your appearance and clothes. Russians have a proverb, according to which 'You are met by your clothes and seen off by your mind'. Much depends on the impression you make in the very first minute of your date. A Russian woman usually pays her attention to whether a man's shoes are polished bright. I don't need to remind that she will take your dirty shirt and crumpled trousers as a sign of disrespect. You should be dressed neatly and stylishly but not motley colored. Shorts, perhaps, are very comfortable to wear on a hot summer day but they would hardly suit such an occasion as the first date. There are no rigid rules on what to wear. So your clothes should suit your age and the setting of the date.

Presents. A Russian woman will expect flowers from a man she is having a date with. Mind that Russians give only an odd number of flowers as a present, because an even number of flowers is used in burial ceremonies. The range of flowers that may be presented is variable. If you have already learnt what flowers your woman prefers, buy them. Choosing flowers may also provide you an opportunity to show your aesthetic instinct. The bouquet may be extravagant and not necessarily expensive. Remember that red roses symbolize love. Besides Russians usually do not present yellow flowers, as they are a symbol of separation.

A Russian woman will be embarrassed to receive expensive presents. At the beginning of your acquaintance you may give her flowers, wine or champagne, chocolates, cakes, perfume (of a well-known trade mark) or books. You mustn't give the woman underwear or money as present.

Punctuality. Russian women cannot forgive a man being late, though a woman can afford to be several minutes late. Do not be annoyed by that and show your patience. Punctuality has never been an integral per of the Russian character, especially that of Russian women.

Manners. It would be fine if you studied the behavior manners adopted by Russians. That would guarantee you favor and gratitude of any Russian woman. First of all I mean chivalrous actions showing respect for a woman:

  • Russian women are not accustomed to pay their share at a cafe, bar, restaurant, public transport or taxi. The spending has been traditionally born by men;
  • When you enter or go out of some building you should open the door for the woman and let her go first;
  • You should be the first to get off the bus, trolley-bus, etc., and offer a woman your hand to help her out;
  • If you are going by car, first let the woman in and only then take your seat;
  • When you accompany the woman to the theatre or a museum, when you are walking along the street you should walk on her left holding her arm slightly;
  • After the date you should see her to her home or the hotel she has put up at;
  • If you have been invited to see the woman's parents you should bear in mind that Russian women attach great importance to having a man acquainted with her parents. If she does introduce you to them it means she looks upon you as being her perspective husband or at least consider the relations between you serious and worth-while. If you are not so sure about your feelings towards this woman or do not think your relations would last, you'd better find an excise and postpone the visit to her parents. But if you agree, take care of choosing a proper present. You may follow the advice given for choosing a present for your first date with the woman. If you can speak Russian, even a little bit, do not get confused of your bad pronunciation. Even if you know just a few phrases, for example, 'Zdravstvuite' ('How do you do') and 'Kak dela' ('How are things with you'), use them and it will please your woman. Try to feel at ease, but mind the Russian manners. If you need to visit the bathroom or the toilet, ask the hostess where it is instead of looking for it yourself. Do not drink too much alcohol: though Russians have traditionally been considered a nation that loves alcohol, they wouldn't like the prospective husband of their daughter to be so ill-bred as to get drunk at his first visit to her parents. Russians like to eat abundant and nutritious food but remember that the food is, as a rule, rich and high-calorie, therefore do not overrate your strength at dinner in order to have the evening spoilt by the stomach-ache.
      And at last, do not go to see a Russian woman without an invitation, especially at early stages of your acquaintance. Russians are very hospitable and try to receive guests properly, but if you haven't been invited you may take them unawares. This will create an embarrassing situation for the woman and would hardly be a pleasant surprise.

    It would be only logical here whether you have to go to Russia at all. Won't it be easier for your woman to come to your country?

    Perhaps it is not too important where your first date will take place - in her country, in your country or in any other country. And still we shall examine all the three options:

    1. You have insisted on that the first meeting should be held in your country.

    For: You are the master of the situation since you are at home.

    Against: it is unlikely that you will get to know the woman well. In an unfamiliar country speaking an unfamiliar language she will feel tense with the constant fear to do something wrong. In other words, being a guest she will feel compelled to comply with the countries traditions.

    2. The date is held in a neutral country. It seems to be an ideal variant for the first meeting. You are both in equal positions and you are not obliged to each other. The sense of being in equal position will allow the woman to be her own self, thus you'll get a possibility to know her better. Besides, if in the long run you will get married and your fist date will not turn to be the last one, then the impression from this trip, your conversations and walks around the town will constitute the basis for your shared dear remembrances.

    3. The date is held in Russia.

    For: You will be able to see the woman in her customary setting, how she gets on with the members of her family and what her circle of acquaintances is, what her life is composed of and how she deals with different matters, especially with running the house. Of course, the few days of your first meeting will hardly expose to you all the habits and ways of the woman, but still you will manage to correlate the image you have got from the letters with the real one. Russians have a reason for saying: "It is better to see once than to hear a thousand times."

    Against: Now you are a guest and welcome to all the advantages of the position.

    And still you should better make a journey to Russia. Let it be not the first but the second or the third meeting: you have to see the country the woman you have chosen lives in. And you'd better do it before you decide to register the marriage.

    When and how you should say 'no' to a Russian woman

    Most likely not one specific reason, but a whole pack of them will force you to say 'no' to her. Here belong the peculiarities of her character, the set of life values and principles of behavior which you failed to understand and accept and are quite sure you will never be able to.

    Here are several typical situations when, in my opinion, it worth breaking off the relationship:

    • You relations are strained and troubled (she is constantly staging rows with you at the slightest pretext);
    • She is inordinately jealous;
    • She tries to suppress your will;
    • She can't bear your habits and she doesn't think twice on criticizing them, picking on every trifle;
    • She ignores your opinion and shows disrespect towards your relatives;
    • She is driven exclusively be the desire to improve her financial situation;
    • She clearly belongs to one of the Russian women types to beware of (see 'Russian women to beware of')

    If the relations with the woman have become a nuisance, you ought to inform her as soon as possible giving your reasons. Do not start fretting and stick to your decision if you are sure it is sound. You are a polite and civilized person, so don't start insulting and accusing her. Say you are sorry and grateful to her for the attention she has paid to you.

    When a Russian Woman Can Say 'No' to You

    A typical reason for the breach of relations is formally defined as 'incompatible characters'. This is what may be used to cover:

    • The woman feels you try to manipulate her:
    • She considers you a miser or, instead, a spendthrift;
    • You do not suit her as a sexual partner;
    • You are too jealous;
    • You subject the woman, her parents and friends to unsparing and petty criticism;
    • You are indifferent or hostile to her child (if she has one);
    • The dissension between your life principles is very deep;

    She is not sure that you are that only fairytale prince whom she has waited for all her life

    The list could be extended. As a matter of fact very often the reasons have nothing to do with you. Perhaps the woman has not been able to understand her feelings towards you; perhaps she has changed her plans for the future, fell in love with another man, for instance; or she doesn't want to give up her successful career, or doesn't want to leave the country because of her parents, or unexpected illness, etc.

    It would be better for both of you if she makes up her mind before you get married.

    When You Can Say 'Yes' to Each Other

    You can say 'yes' to each other when you have got to know each other quite well and have realized you are ready to:

    • meet your partner's wishes and interests halfway and, still, be able not to lose your identity;
    • make concessions and at the same time teach your partner to take into account your authority as well;
    • see common outlooks and allow for the difference in your plans and opinions;
    • live together and not give up your independence;
    • strive for unity and not be afraid of being alone;
    • help and be ready to accept help in return;
    • listen and expect to be listened.

    In such atmosphere of equality and mutual understanding both a man and a woman will be able to develop into harmonious individuals and to enjoy each other. Specialists point out that in such atmosphere the woman will always attract the man's interest and the latter won't be a 'loving tyrant' to her. A good example of such relations is provided, in my opinion, by the family of the USSR ex-president Michael Gorbachov. In an interview after his wife's death answering 'when were your feelings especially strong, at the beginning of your relations or at the later stages' the ex-president said: "At all stages. At the beginning there was the passion of the young and later it was accompanied by friendship and cooperation when we could share everything with each other. We turned to have similar world outlooks."

    You may say 'yes' when you trust each other (trust is a characteristic feature of the true friendship), when you believe that your frankness won't be used to hurt you, even in case of a quarrel, and when you have common outlooks on life, its development and its events and their meaning. And when, which is most important, you feel that this very person is dear to you, that she changed your life and you want to have her by your side not for a couple of days but for the whole life.

    Russian Women and their views on Love

    Is there a Russian girl who wouldn't dream of love and marriage to crown it? Brought up on fairytales she believes in love and waits for her prince to come. Sometimes, during her whole life. The Russian classics teach us that love is the most sublime of all human feelings. For example, the Russian writer Ivan Bunin contended in his works that love is the only means to attain happiness in earthly life. I daresay that love is still the major factor for a Russian woman in choosing her partner.

    Any Russian woman would like to be the object of chivalrous admiration, to receive flowers and poems written especially for her. However the image of an ideal lover doesn't interfere with love for a real person, not always so positive as she would like. You can often come across such an explanation of the paradox: 'Somebody has to love him as well.' And she can forgive a lot to the person she loves: alcoholism, unfaithfulness, lies and non-chivalrous behavior. The reason for this self-sacrifice and artificially lowered requirements can be traced back to the historical consciousness that retained the awareness of the of the submissive role of women and to the fact the number of women in the country has always been considerably larger than that of men, due to the rough reality of the Russian life (the wars and totalitarian regime).

    The situation hasn't changed a lot; as a line of a popular Soviet song goes: "According to the statistics there are nine boys for ten girls." Very often a Russian woman, denied the opportunity to choose, is prepared to love anybody just in order to experience the feelings and not to feel unwanted. "Love is ruthless, love you will even the toothless," as the folk wisdom tells it. Notwithstanding you shouldn't think that the Russian women are undiscriminating - they are just illogical in their love for men. One may be a tall, handsome and wealthy fellow and still fail to attract a Russian woman's attention. One may be crazy about her and still fail to arouse a response in her. However, that doesn't mean she needs a man with physical or spiritual shortcomings. The thing is that she must fall in love with You and Only You and then you may count on all-conquering forgiveness, on absolute devotion and on that she will undertake anything for your sake.

    It is not clear why they contend that only the woman should have a piquancy, a spark. Bear in mind that a Russian woman is looking for a spark in a man as well: the way he adjusts his hair, his smile, the peculiarity of his speech, his absent-mindedness, his funny ways, etc. What you consider to be your defect may turn to be the thing to fire her with admiration.

    Russian woman doesn't expect to profit by her love, she is genuinely selfless, and she often sacrifices her career and her interests to those of the beloved person. Devotion determines to a great extent the behavior of a Russian woman in love. For most Russian women the words of the church wedding rite 'I vow to stay with my husband in grief and joy until death separates us', are still the matter of current significance. A case in point is the behavior the wives and fiancées of the Decembrists (the aristocrats who staged a rebellion against the tsar in 1825), who gave up their high social circles and civil rights to follow the Decembrists in exile and in penal colonies in Siberia.

    A Russian woman's love is patient, she is ready to forgive many things to her beloved, but you ought not to impose on this quality, because when the camel's back is broken you will experience the power of her jealousy, resentment and even hatred, which is, as it is well-known, only a step from love.

    And one more remark: remember that it is in the mentality of every Russian woman that marriage should crown the relations with the beloved person, that is why she will subconsciously look upon herself as your wife. Do not be afraid of that, that is natural, you should bear it in mind.

    So we may make a conclusion that a Russian woman in love is characterized by all-conquering forgiveness, a bent for self-sacrifice, passion, devotion, faithfulness, disinterestedness. Therewith she has a tendency to carry her feelings almost to the point of absurdity, to idealize her man, to give her identity, to view her lover as a prospective husband. But if you treat her with contempt, she is capable of ardent hatred.


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     Post subject: Re: e-Book on Russian Women
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    Part 8 - TAKING THE NEXT STEPS

    The Engagement

    The decision to get married is taken nowadays exclusively by young men and women themselves who are governed by their mutual feeling above all. Following the tradition, the man asks the permission to marry the girl from her father, but after the matter has been settled with the girl herself. An engagement is the ceremony of announcing the decision to get married by the fiancées. The Soviet Russia saw a new tradition take shape: the day when the happy couple handed in their application to the special department of registering marriages became the day of the engagement celebration. The engagement performs two major functions: to announce the decision of a young couple to get married and to set the time needed for the preparation of the wedding. Usually one month or a month and a half is allowed for that.

    An engagement is celebrated in the girl's house (an echo of an ancient tradition). The parents of both the man and the woman are introduced to each other and discuss the preparations for the wedding, how the wedding is to be held, where the newlyweds will live and what plans for the future they entertain.

    In Russia a man, engaged to a girl, is considered a member of her family. The girl's family take care of her future husband and try to create the benevolent atmosphere for him to feel "at home", as they say. I daresay, this is also a tribute to the ancient tradition: having the daughter married was the deepest concern of a girl's parents, that's why nowadays they are more anxious about and moved by the event than the man's parents.

    Throughout the engagement the girl will idealize her fiancé: he seems to be the most handsome, strong, kind and soon. She is literally flying above the earth, for she is the bride and that is the most significant feeling for a Russian girl. A Russian woman is shielded from the reality for the engagement - she is absorbed by the anticipation of the forthcoming happiness. Neither her relatives' warnings, nor her friends' stories, nor even her own miserable experience can disturb her. She believes with all her heart that everything is bound to be all right now, that is why she plunges into pre-wedding preparations with inspiration.

    The joyful and exalted spirit of the forthcoming event is cherished by the woman's friends and relatives as well. The man also plays a part in the pre-wedding performance, trying to maintain the image created by the woman. He courts her elegantly, indulges her whims, pleases her in everything, acts chivalrous, but after the wedding... Well, that's the woman's lot. You will agree that the after-wedding period embraces the whole life, while there are only one or two months of engagement. It doesn't take a man much effort to create a fairyland for his woman for this period. Perhaps, that is why Russian women like the engagement period that much.

    Thus, the pre-wedding period is the most fairytale-like, delightful and magic in a Russian woman's life. In respect of both happy feelings and disappointment, that is often experienced by the woman after the wedding when she discovers that her fairytale prince is just an ordinary man with a complete set of defects. This was the reason for the fact that lately many Russian couples put off the wedding to prolong the engagement - the fairytale. They live together before marriage in order to get to know each other better so that they didn't feel disappointed afterwards.

    What Wedding Means to a Russian Woman

    Every Russian girl dreams of a wedding. The wedding is, no doubt, the most long-anticipated and joyful event in her life. A girl is fascinated, first of all by the performance itself - a beautiful holiday centered on bride and bridegroom.

    A Russian woman places great significance with the wedding, I will try to explain why.

    The wedding means that the society considers the relations between a man and a woman legal. For ages Russians have been governed by very austere moral precepts, that prohibited any out-of-wedlock relations. Therefore, notwithstanding the fact that recently the society has become much more tolerant and literal toward civil marriages, the traditional attitude has a rather strong impact on the Russian woman's mentality.

    Going through the rite of wedding she makes her feeling public. She shows the society that she is a virtuous woman, not just a pretty tart to while away the time with. She is something more. She is worthy to be the wife, the mother of the man's children, a life-partner. This means a lot for a Russian woman.

    The wedding is a boundary line between an independent maiden life and a wedlock life with taking care of the house, the husband and the children. Though every Russian woman realizes it is very hard work, still, her natural desire to be the hostess of her own house and have a family of her own makes her wish to be married.

    The wedding is the guarantee of regularity and stability. A civil marriage is OK only for very young people. But if you ask any mature woman if she would like to officially register the marriage with a man she is living with, she will, no doubt, confess to that this type of marriage suits her man, who is eager not to lose his bachelors freedom, but that she herself longs for stability, confidence in that her life won't collapse one fine day.

    The wedding brings along a possibility to have a child. Russian woman try not to have children born out of wedlock, which involves difficulties in the official registration of the child's papers and the woman's conviction that a child must have both mother and father. While a civil marriage doesn't guarantee her that the independent father of her child will stay with them.

    And, after all, the wedding is also a beautiful holiday which, in an ideal variant, is celebrated only once in lifetime and leaves a deep impression with a person.

    The Russian Wedding

    In Russian they act out the wedding, that is there is a special wedding script, where they try to observe all ancient traditions. A modern wedding includes many archaic elements, such as asking the blessing of the bride's parents, a redemption of the bride, a wedding train going from the bridegroom's to the bride's, a white dress of the bride and others.

    A redemption is a rite according to which the bridegroom cannot enter the bride's house without pleasing the bridesmaids first: he has to sing, solve riddles, to make small presents, to give some money to the girls, that is to pay the ransom. Only after he has passed all the test he is allowed to take the bride away.

    A wedding train in its modern variant is a chain of cars that take the bridegroom and his parents and guests to the bride's place. After the redemption they take the bride and her guests to the place where the marriage is officially registered. After the registration the wedding train will take the newly married couple and their guests for a tour around the city and then they make a stop-off at some place in the country. Here they drink champagne, take photos and only then are taken to the wedding banquet. Russians do not spare money for the wedding: the tables are literally weighed down with savories and main courses, alcohol drinks and desserts. All this is no little cost, that is why every couple will decide for themselves whether they need such a sumptuous feast or would rather confine themselves to a party for the most close friends and relatives. A newly married couple can embark on a honeymoon trip right after the registration. But in most cases the traditional Russian wedding is a gorgeous holiday two days long.

    The First Conjugal Night With the Russian Woman

    I would like to draw your attention to the expression 'conjugal night', that is the night after the wedding, and, to be exact, not with the Russian woman any more, but with your wife. You can take my word that these subtle differences are quite meaningful for every Russian woman. More than that, a woman will need to know, what part she plays in your life.

    So, you have passed all the preliminary stages: the acquaintance, first questions and answers to each other, the first date. You are convinced she is your ideal woman. She is your wife. The cheers and wishes of happiness are over and wife and husband have been left alone...

    The Russian tradition makes the conjugal night the secret of the two, nobody has the right to interfere with it. It was thought to be the first sexual intercourse of the newly-married couple. Nowadays it is to a great extent a symbol. But still a lot depends on it. A Russian woman on her first conjugal night expects from her husband:

    • the romantic and exquisite atmosphere (tender low music, gentle scents of flowers, burning candles, glasses of sparkling champagne);
    • beautiful avowals of love and compliments;
    • tact and patience;
    • tenderness and persistence;
    • full harmony.

    Try to make your wife a small but original present. Most women take the presents from their beloved husband as fetishes.

    I do not give you any specific recommendations, since I'm sure, your conjugal happiness is in the hands of the couple only. If you are eager to get specific advice how you can set your sexual life with a Russian woman, them see the unit 'Russian woman and sex'.

    I just want to remind you that Russian woman is naturally emotional and romantic. She is always looking forward to a Feast of Love! And the first conjugal night is only the beginning of your celebration of love and family happiness. So, in a few words, the wedding is not just a tribute to a tradition for a Russian woman. This is a possibility to make one's feelings and virtues publicly recognized.

    This is a rite involving emotional attitudes, a drama performance, spiritual and juridical reunion of the two.


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    Part 9 - RUSSIAN WOMAN AND SEX

    Needless to say that sex is too personal a matter to analyze and classify it. Nevertheless, it is possible to distinguish a series of peculiarities characteristic of the Russian woman's attitude towards sex.

    A Russian woman is basically passionate, spirited and impetuous, she gives her full self away to her feeling and will never be content to stop mid-way. However, the historical background of Russia, the Russian set of values formed during the previous centuries, the peculiarities of life in Russia have all constituted the factors that hold the woman back from manifestation of these fine qualities in her sexual life.

    Firstly, a large number of girls is brought up with sex-is-an-obscenity attitude towards it. For a long time even talking of sex was considered an obscene action. At school classes in human anatomy the teachers with their eyes down and the blush on their cheeks forced out incoherent explanations of genitals and their functions, that added to the aura of indecency around them. And though Russia underwent a sexual revolution in the 1990s, the traditional moral percepts force us by their own momentum to skirt the topic bashfully. Not every mother or father can discuss without unnecessary tension the topic with their children.

    The latter learn the thing in the street, obtaining the much-desired-for information from their friends which entails lamentable results. The statistical data show that about 15 per cent of Russian girls start their sexual life at the age of 15. They are drawn so much not by the sexual desire as by curiosity or a fear to be abandoned by their lover, or the desire to look adult and mature.

    Secondly, one can hardly think of a more powerful impediment to a Russian woman's sexuality than Russian living conditions. Often a newly-married couple live with parents in a tiny apartment with almost transparent walls and only one bathroom, or in a separate apartment where they share the only room with their child.

    The fear to wake up the relatives and the risk to be heard or, even worse, seen while making love impedes a Russian woman from giving herself away to her feeling: she holding her emotions under control which, as it is known, does more harm than good in the sexual intercourse.

    Thirdly, the man is customarily been considered the head of the family, that's why the woman, whether she is aware of it or not, places all the initiative with the man in what concerns not only the initiation to make love but also the sexual intercourse itself which makes the Russian woman inert and passive in bed.

    And fourthly, every Russian girl is brought up on Russian classical literature that proclaims bashfulness, purity and innocence of the girl. "Die but don't submit to a kiss without love," is the morals of the classics of the Russian literature. As you can see, sex is put of question here.

    So what should a man do if he wants to have a Russian woman liberated from the power of these factors and impassioned in her love? Here are some pieces of advice.

    Do not be too insistent. A Russian woman must feel your sexual desire but needs to know this is not all you want. She appreciates love and is convinced sex is the logical consummation of it, not the beginning.

    The sexual technique is of little importance for a Russian woman. She loves flirting, courting, prelude. She loves with her ears, hands and lips and you should always remember that.

    She is fascinated by some sexual rites performed together: such as spreading fresh linen, etc., and by the romantic atmosphere: candles, light music and wine; it helps her break away from the unprepossessing reality and plunge into a magic world of sex.

    You should be very considerate for a Russian woman during all the time in bed with her, especially after the sexual intercourse. She is so vulnerable that will feel offended if you turn away and fall asleep right after making love, even if you had got her shrieking with pleasure.

    Do not compare the way a woman, especially Russian, acts in bed with models set up by erotic and porno films. Russian woman is the last person to resemble those seductresses as presented by the producers of hot films.

    A Russian woman's sexual limits, the range of sexual liberties she permits are rather narrow. You should carefully determine these and try to extend them slowly and without pressure. Otherwise, she will think you are making her a whore or a rubber doll.

    Do not be surprised by the fact that a Russian woman will invariably decline to have a spontaneous sexual intercourse: on a table, in the elevator, on a landing or in the forest. There are several reasons for that. Firstly, the Russian woman is extraordinarily clean. She may spend quite a time at the bathroom even if she realizes you are impatient to see her: it that she wants to appear before your eyes impeccably clean; the same, by the way, she will require of you as well in return.

    And secondly, the living conditions of the Russian woman don't provide her with an opportunity to indulge in spontaneous sex, even if she has such a whim: Russian baths are so small and uncomfortable that one will find just enough room to squeeze in there, let alone any mutual strenuous exercise.

    A semi-automatic washing machine is neither suitable to make love on. The floors are in most cases creaking, so if you decide to make love on the floor, the whole block will be aware of that.

    And one more remark. Should you make up your mind to give your Russian lover a pretty erotic present, a vibrator for example, before you go on a long trip, be ready to face surprise at the best or even resentment: she will think you do not trust her and mock her bet feelings.

    A Russian woman accepts only natural sexual tools. You risk facing the same failure to understand, and resentment, if you propose her to participate in an orgy, to invite one more partner to have sex among the three or anything like that, which a Russian woman considers a perversion.

    Thus, a Russian woman is naturally a sensual and passionate lover, but these qualities are usually blocked by social and moral factors rooted in ancient times. But if you follow the advice given above you will know what she is capable of in love.

    Russian Women and her Husband

    A married Russian woman has her life values arranged as follows: children - husband - relatives - her home - her job. As you can see, husband plays one of the predominant roles in her life. Let us define what husband means to a Russian woman.

    The husband is HER man, that is a man who makes her feel useful and significant. She doesn't fret about being alone, she doesn't rack her brains over who will accompany her to a party; the expression 'to be married' itself has a literal meaning in Russian 'to follow the husband, to be behind him.'

    The husband inspires her with confidence in her welfare. In Russia the man has traditionally been considered the bread-winner. The woman feels more secure against major financial problems when she can count on two wages or salaries to make her family budget.

    The husband is a regular sexual partner. A Russian woman nowadays, especially those over 25-30 years old, has certain problems with finding a man to establish permanent sexual relations with. This isn't a concern of a married woman.

    The husband is the father of the woman's children. Russians believe a child must have both mother and father. Although the responsibility to bring up children lies, to a great extent, with the woman, the authority of the father is absolutely indispensable.

    In brief, the husband is EVERYTHING to a Russian woman. One of my acquaintances says: "He is a lover and a child and a girl-friend to me." This is also proved by the fact that after the wedding the number of female friends of a young wife is considerably reduced: she doesn't need them any more.

    The husband has traditionally been the highest authority for the Russian woman. She will not go out, nor make major purchases, nor take important decisions without first consulting with him.

    A Russian woman takes care of her husband as if he were her child: she washes and irons his clothes and cooks delicious meals for him. But such attitude is not a universal trait of Russian women. One can often come across families where the husband washes and cooks for himself while the wife is engrossed with her job or a talk with friends. Families differ; all depends on the relations between the spouses. If they love each other, the woman tries to do her best to manifest her tender love for her husband.

    A Russian proverb claims 'Wife without husband is like child without mother.' This may be the best symbol to reflect the relation between the Russian woman and her husband.


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